


Road Work

by masswisteria



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5661430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masswisteria/pseuds/masswisteria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before going off to college, Rose decides to broaden her world by hitchhiking around the country.  What could go wrong?  Well, the person giving her a lift could turn out to be Vriska Serket.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arjache](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arjache/gifts).



> Thanks to [buckyballbearing](http://buckyballbearing.tumblr.com/) and [heidibyeveryday](http://heidibyeveryday.tumblr.com/) for alpha/beta reading, and letting me endlessly talk at them about this until I got it right in my head. :P 
> 
> Prompt:  
> Rose and Vriska somehow wind up on a road trip together! And like, these are two people that so should not be on a road trip together. But they are anyway! What do they talk about? What do they yell about while speeding down the highway? What do they say quietly out in the middle of nowhere at night?
> 
> Shipping not required but welcome if it works out that way; kismesissitude is particularly fun but I could also see these two being The Worst Moirails Ever.

This morning, hitchhiking up the Pacific Coast Highway seemed like a brilliant idea. An hour and a half of breathing road dust and car exhaust later, it had lost some of its luster. Rose sat back down on her bag as yet another set of cars passed her by. The muscles in her shoulder and arm were already making known their opposition to this plan. She rubbed her shoulder absently and considered how much longer she was willing to wait before giving up. Another hour? Or another twenty cars? Either way she would need to start thinking about what to do instead. She stared intently down the road, waiting hoping her next opportunity would come soon.

“Hey, you looking for a ride?”

Rose jumped at the voice coming from behind her. She had been so focused on the road she hadn’t heard the blue Mustang pulling out of the gas station. She turned around, half expecting to find that her mind was playing tricks on her, and was relieved to see a dark blue Mustang, it’s driver leaning half out the window.

“Well? Are you or not?” the girl asked.

“Oh! Yeah, up to LA?” Rose replied hopefully.

“Works for me. Hop in,” she said, gesturing behind her toward the pasenger-side door. “Just toss your stuff in the back seat. There’s probably some other shit in there, but don’t worry about it.”

She wasn’t wrong; Rose inspected the mass of clothing, loose papers, and other detritus just enough to tell it wasn’t decomposing before tossing her suitcase on top and climbing into the front seat.

“I’m Vriska,” Her driver introduced herself as Rose climbed into the front seat.

“Rose,” she replied, and shook Vriska’s offered hand before settling her backpack between her feet. Everything important was either on her person or in her pack. If Vriska turned out to be a murderous psychopath, Rose could ditch the suitcase and bolt without too much trouble. 

Vriska didn’t wait for Rose to buckle herself in before she shifted out of park and turned onto the highway. “You’re not wanting to do that whole coastal ‘wine and beaches tourist’ thing, are you?” She spoke without taking her eyes off the road, but happily let go of the wheel to indicate with disparaging air quotes what she thought of that idea. “Cause I’m taking the long way and skipping that crap. The traffic on the 5 is bullshit.”

“That’s quite alright. I’d like to think I am still a few decades and children shy of my mid-life Facebook wine mom phase.”

“Yeah you didn’t exactly look the type,” Vriska shot Rose an understanding grin, and...may have just took the opportunity to check Rose out? Rose filed that away for later. “I swear, every time I drive that route it’s worse than before. Fucking tourists, man, I swear to god. Like, isn’t there some other part of the country they could go bother?”

Rose watched Vriska with some interest as she ranted, taking the opportunity to get her first good look at her benefactor. She looked to be about Rose’s age, perhaps a bit older, dressed casually in a faded tee and even more faded jeans. Her hair was bound in a loose ponytail and looked like it hadn’t seen a brush since grade school, but her nails were painted a vibrant cerulean and perfectly manicured. Her eyes never left the road, but her hands routinely left the wheel to gesticulate wildly as she spoke.

“I take it you’re from around here?”

“Native Angeleño, lived there my whole life,” Vriska answered proudly. 

“So what brought you to San Diego? And has you traveling up and down the state so often?”

Vriska seemed to think for a moment. “Work,” she said finally.

“What do you do?” Rose pressed for more detail. Vriska did not exactly fit Rose’s mental image of the traveling businessperson.

Vriska was silent, and Rose almost retracted the question before she answered. “I’m a...bail recovery agent. I track down people who skip bail, and bring them back to court.”

Rose’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Really? Like-”

“I swear to fucking god, if you say ‘Like Dawg the Bounty Hunter’ I’ll kick you out of this car without even stopping! Fuck that guy, and his stupid fucking TV show, and his smug fucking face! He gives the whole profession a bad name. You know he got his dumb ass arrested in Mexico? Yeah they don’t recognize bounty hunters down there. You know what they call capturing a fugitive and hauling them back to the US? KIDNAPPING. Fucking moron.”

Rose listened while Vriska enumerated the many failings of the man who seemed to be her personal nemesis, beginning to wonder if there was a subject on which Vriska did not have an expletive-laden rant ready to hand.

“So you were hunting down some fugitive in San Diego?”

“Yeah, fucking bust though. Had a lead that he was going to try to sneak into Mexico, so I came down here to nab him before he hit the border, but turns out it was bullshit.” She exhaled loudly in frustration. “Now I gotta head back up to LA and try some other leads. Shake some people and see what falls out.”

“So this guy, what did he do? Is he anyone I would have heard of?”

Vriska eyed her suspiciously. “You ask a lot of questions, you know that?”

“Sorry, I am curious by nature, and I tend to explore things in great depth. It comes with being a writer, I think. I can stop, if you would like.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I’m just suspicious by nature,” Vriska said with a grin that was probably meant to be disarming. “Yeah you might’ve heard of him: Cal English. It was big story out here, dunno if it went national.”

Rose recognized the name, but didn’t recall many details from story. “The name rings a bell. Wasn’t he arrested for murder?”

“Yep. So you’re a writer, huh? Like, books, or what?”

“Well, nothing yet, exactly. I suppose I omitted the word ‘aspiring’ from my earlier statement,” Rose admitted. “But I hope to be a novelist, yes.”

A minute passed before Vriska spoke again. “So, did you run away from home, or what?”

“No, what on earth would give you that idea?” Rose asked, honestly puzzled.

“Well I’m trying to figure it out. You’re obviously well off, look like you could easily afford a plane ticket to wherever it is you want to go. You’re too young to have earned that yourself, so the money’s your parents’. And yet here you are hitchhiking of all things! I don’t get it.

“What makes you think I’m well off?”

“No way that backpack is more than a week or two old. And designer, too. So what’s the deal? Did mom and dad not give you permission to go to LA?” Vriska asked condescendingly.

“If you must know, this trip is essentially a research expedition for several stories I have been iterating on.”

“What, you need to go all the way to LA to find a library?”

“Of course not. But not everything can be learned from books or websites. Some things have to be experienced,” Rose explained.

Vriska laughed. “Is that why you’re hitchhiking? For the experience?” She laughed again.

“Essentially, yes, though I do not see what is so hilarious about the idea.”

“From what I’ve seen, your idea of ‘experience’ is doing something ridiculously dangerous and hoping some good Samaritan comes along and saves your ass. That’s pretty hilarious.”

“I assume you’re refering to hitchhiking?”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that can be? You’re pretty lucky I came along, you know. Who knows what kind of nutjob might’ve driven by.”

“Indeed. The question has crossed my mind,” Rose said drily. “In my defense, I learned what I could about the practice prior to attempting it myself. And I have taken precautions.”

Vriska eyed her skeptically. “Oh yeah? What, you got a can of mace in your backpack?”

“A Taser, actually.”

“Thanks for telling me.” Vriska laughed again. “Yeah, that’ll do you a lot of good when Psycho McMurderer decides he wants to wear your face as a hat. You gonna politely ask him to wait while you dig through your bag to find it? Gonna be tough with his hands wrapped around your throat.”

“You seem to have thought this through to a disturbing level of detail.”

“Nice deflection. I just watch a lot of SVU. I got a thing for Mariska Hargitay, I guess,” Vriska shrugged.

“Nice excuse. At any rate, if you must know my mother is well aware of what I am up to, and has been quite supportive of it.”

“Well thank God for that. You really are lucky you got picked up by me. Who knows what kind of mess you could’ve gotten yourself into otherwise.”


	2. Chapter 2

When Vriska turned on the radio and a Poison song started playing, Rose considered bailing out of the car then and there. There was a generous shoulder on the road, and if she landed on her backpack she just might not die. But she chose not to judge a person by the first song on their playlist. Everyone has a few guilty pleasures.

Two hours of glam metal later, she was seriously regretting that decision.

Rose put her pen down against her notebook and sighed in frustration as yet another irritatingly catchy hook burrowed its way through her ear and into her brain. At least she had caught herself before she started writing down the lyrics this time. Still, action needed to be taken. She debated the etiquettical implications of digging out her own phone and earbuds, but decided such an action would be too passive agressive even for her, and opted for a direct approach instead.

“I want you to know that I fully understand that saying this may very well get me ejected from the vehicle, but I feel the matter important enough to risk that result.” Vriska shot a perplexed look her way, and Rose continued in the most serious tone she could muster. “Vriska, I am deeply concerned about your masochistic insistance on listening to this aural offense against nature.” Vriska burst into laughter, but Rose went on. “There are better, safer ways to deal with trauma than self-harm. There are people who can help you.”

“I cannot fucking believe you are shitting on Twisted Sister like this.”

“An apt name, evocative of the uncanny sensation of a knife being twisted deep into my ear canal.”

“Pssh, what the fuck ever. Not my fault that you can’t handle the siren song that is Dee Snider’s voice.”

“Typically, the phrase ‘siren song’ refers to the lengendarily beautiful song produced by the ‘siren’ of Greek mythology, not the penetrating warning wail of emergency vehicle sirens. I can understand your confusion, embarassing though it may be.”

“Hey, you hungry?”

“Nice subject change,” Rose observed.

“Fuck off and answer the question.”

Now that the subject was broached, Rose noticed that the gas station chips and candy she had eaten over the last hour or so was proving to be a rather insufficient substitute for an actual meal. The fact that her breakfast had consisted mostly of coffee probably did not help matters. “Now that you mention it, I could eat.”

“Good. Cause we’re about to get to the best damn diner in the state, I’m not even exagerating,” Vriska said seriously, as she signaled and took the next exit off the highway. They were somewhere in the exurbs of LA. Brush-dotted hills and scrubland had given way to block after block of seemingly identical single-story stucco houses, broken up by the occasional high school or Walmart (you could tell them apart by whether they were surrounded by ball fields or asphalt). They drove a mile down the six-lane road before pulling into the parking lot of a rather unremarkable strip mall. It featured all the standard amenities of American urban sprawl: one-hour dry cleaners, nail salon with faded window ads that hadn’t been changed since 1992, a liquor store with almost two thirds of the letters in its sign intact, and a pair of vacant storefronts. They could have been anywhere in the country except for the Spanish business names and the clay-tiled roof. Vriska parked in front of a place labeled only as “Mexican.”

“Seriously. Best diner in the state,” Vriska reiterated before exiting the car. Some of Rose’s skepticism must have been visible in her expression. Rose followed her into the restaurant, which proved to be as nondescript inside as it was outside. A row of booths lined the windows, and square tables filled the rest of the open space. At least the place appeared to be clean.

Vriska led her to one of the booths; there did not seem to be anyone waiting to seat them. “Their cali-mex omelettes are basically a life-changing experience, but they’ve got like bacon and eggs and shit if you can’t handle food with actual flavor,” she said, grabbing a laminated menu from the stack propped between the window and a ketchup bottle and tossing it in front of Rose.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” Rose looked up from the menu to see a waitress standing in front of their table, arms folded across her chest and glaring daggers at Vriska. If looks could kill, this one would have been a mass casualty event. Memorials would be erected nationwide to the lives lost to this expression. Perfectly manicured nails tapped against her arm as she waited for an answer.

“Kanaya! Long time, no see! What a surprise meeting you here,” Vriska replied, smiling so innocently that Rose knew exactly how full of shit she was.

The waitress - Kanaya, Rose supposed - arched one sculpted eyebrow. “You are surprised to meet me. In my family’s restaurant.” Her eyebrow twitched.

“I take it you two know one another?” Rose interjected, hoping to relieve some of the tension before violence was done. She would rather not spend the rest of the day filling out police reports.

Kanaya looked toward Rose, concern replacing anger in her face. She opened her mouth to speak, but Vriska beat her to it, regaining Kanaya’s glare. “Oh yeah, me and Maryam go waaaaaaaay back, don’t we? Practically grew up together.”

“Yes, we go ‘way’ back. Far enough for me to not want anything to do with you.” Kanaya turned back to Rose, her expression softening again. “And you shouldn’t either. I do not know how long you two have been together - I suppose it can’t have been too long since you can still tolerate her presence -”

Vriska started to speak in her defense, but Kanaya silenced her with a sharp gesture, her eyes not leaving Rose. “She is not worth it. You can do better.” Her head tilted as she seemed to consider for a moment. “Much better, I think.”

“Your concern is appreciated, but you needn’t worry about me. Vriska is just giving me a ride.”

“Yes, she has taken a lot of people for a ride.”

“Look, I thought you went off to New York for school or some shit, I never would’ve stopped if I thought I’d run into you...so could you just take our orders or something? Get me the Ranchero, and hold the vitriol.”

Rose ordered the same, preferring to expedite the process rather than taking the time to peruse the menu herself.

Vriska rolled her eyes. “Shit, sorry you had to listen to that. Kanaya was my…’it’s complicated’ back in High School. There was some drama, I guess she still isn’t over it.”

Rose nodded. She was curious, but this was probably not the place to press for details.  
The food arrived quickly, and to her pleasant surprise, Vriska was not exaggerating; it was remarkably good, if spicier than she was used to. They ate in silence, Rose unsure how to avoid asking the many questions she now had, and Vriska apparently content to volunteer nothing. Kanaya delivered their checks along with their meal, and didn’t show herself again. Rose noticed as she paid, however, a message written in flowing cursive across her receipt: “Do not let her ensnare you in her schemes Get out while you can!” Rose made sure to tip her well.

 

“So you’re probably wondering what that was all about…,” Vriska said with a sigh once they were in the car and back out on the highway.

“A question or two had crossed my mind, yes. Though if it is an uncomfortable subject, we needn’t discuss it.” Curious though she was, Rose did not want to agitate Vriska further.

“Bluh, this is so not the conversation I want to have, like, ever, but if I don’t explain you’re just gonna sit there wondering for the rest of the trip, wanting to ask but not, and it’s just gonna be awkward and weird and ugh,” she grumbled. “So...okay. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said we practically grew up together. Before her parents moved out here to bumfuck nowhere, they lived just up the street from us. We were in all the same classes, and pretty much best friends up to high school.”

“And then?”

“And then shit got stupid. And honestly? It wasn’t even anything I did, to start. Turns out she had a huge ladyboner for me, but was too chickenshit to say anything? So when I started macking on this guy, she gets all pissed off. Fuck, if she had just said something, I would’ve jumped that in a heartbeat. I mean, you saw her?”

Rose nodded. She had, in fact saw her.

“And ok, so in retrospect, maybe I should’ve noticed something, but shit, it’s a fine fucking line between girlfriends and _girlfriends_ , right? Especially when you’re fifteen. I mean, you know what it’s like.”

Vriska paused. “Fuck. Um...you do know what it’s like, right? Sorry, I guess I kinda assumed, with the pixie cut and doc martens and shit…”

Rose smiled reassuringly. “Yes, I do in fact ‘know what it’s like,’” she said, waggling her eyebrows in Vriska’s direction.

She rolled her eyes in response. “Aaaaaaaanyway, yeah. So that happened.”

“And she’s held a grudge ever since? That seems rather unfair.”

“Well...Like I said, that was the start of it. Then I went and…,” Vriska trailed off, and floored the gas pedal to pass a crawling Prius before continuing. “Okay, so I was basically a complete disaster in high school. I thought I was hot shit, thought I had it all figured out, got up to some really stupid shit, got caught, and ended up dragging some of our friends down with me. It wasn’t anything serious enough that it couldn’t get wiped off your record - which is lucky for me, or I wouldn’t be able to have the sweet gig I got now - but it was enough to fuck up some people’s lives for a while.” She paused again. “So...yeah. That’s probably what really screwed things up between us.”

Rose silently processed the story before asking, “You said this all happened in high school, so what, five or so years ago?”

“Give or take, yeah.”

“That still seems like quite a long time to hold a grudge, particularly over decisions made during one’s sociopathic teenage phase.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Vriska switched the radio back on and fell silent.


	3. Chapter 3

Rose stretched her back one last time as she walked back across the gas station lot toward Vriska’s car. She was pleased to have actually been able to write for the last couple hours, even if it had been just writing exercises describing the passing scenery. She opened the passenger door, and sweet jesus fuck Vriska was reading her notebook.

“Wow, who do you think you are, Mary fucking Shelley?” Vriska asked, turning the page.

Rose jumped into the seat and snatched her notebook back. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? That is _private_!”

“Geeeeeeeez. Sorry, princess. I thought the point of being a writer was to get people to read the shit you write.”

“Not everything I write is intended to be shared. Most of this one is just practice and experimentation anyway,” she replied, gesturing with the notebook still in hand.

Vriska snorted and started the engine. “Whatever you say.”

A few moments later she continued, “You didn’t answer my question.”

Rose had to replay the conversation in her mind before she could identifiy the question Vriska was referring to. “Honestly, I am surprised to hear you making such a literary reference.”

“Wow, fuck you and your backhanded compliment. Doesn’t everyone read that book in high school? Do one percenter kids read books for school, or do you pay someone to do that for you?”

Rose bristled at Vriska’s retort, but resisted the urge to fire back. She was still understandably upset about Vriska’s invasion of her privacy, but perhaps her not-so-veiled insult was a bit over the line. “I think some of my classmates outsourced their homework to India. I quite enjoyed the reading assignments, myself. Particularly the Romantic period works.”

Vriska barked a laugh. “I bet you did, they’re god awful boring. It’s like, okay I get that you’ve got a huge word-boner for how amaaaaaaaazing and breathtaking the trees are, or the river, or the mountains! Page after fucking page about mountains! Just get back to the action!” She threw up her hands in disgust, leaving the steering to her knees. “For Christ’s sake, they actually make vampires and mad scientists boring. How do you even _do_ that?”

Vriska returned her hands to the wheel in time to keep them from veering into the wheels of a passing semi. “So yeah, point is, you use way too many god damned words.”

“I am not writing movie scripts. Those ‘god damned words’ help to establish the setting and mood of the work, which is necessary for the reader to feel immersed in the tale.”

“See, you did it again, you could’ve just said ‘aesthetic’ and left it at that. Just fucking say what you mean!”

“Thank you for the constructive criticism, but I think I will stick with a richer style for now,” Rose replied, closing the topic.

 

About a half hour outside of LA, Vriska looked over to see Rose tapping her pen against her notebook in time with the music. “Oh yeah, you just haaaaaaaate this music, don’t you?” she teased.

“The fact that a thing worms its way inside you is no indication that you enjoy it.”

“Sounds like private school needs better sex ed.”

“Not those of us who took the time to...study,” Rose retorted. Vriska had to give her credit, she was at least playing along, despite the rising color in her freckled cheeks.  
They passed a road sign indicating thirty seven miles to Los Angeles, and Rose asked, “Do you know what your next move is in flushing out your quarry?”

“What, you mean Cal? I got some possible leads to explore in the city. I poked at a couple of em this morning, but I haven’t heard anything back yet.” Vriska shrugged. “We’ll see. If nothing else it’s back to digging and cyberstalking, basically.”

“Mmm, sounds like a thrilling adventure.”

“‘Thrilling adventure’ is just another way to say ‘I fucked up and things got messy.’”

“And you prefer to keep it clean? Don’t like to get your hands dirty?” Rose said, a tad too smug for Vriska’s comfort.

“It’s just easier that way, usually. But if some asshole wants to throw down instead of coming along quietly,” Vriska cracked her knuckles. “I’m perfectly happy to kick their ass for them.”

Rose smiled and jotted something down in her book. “What, are you taking notes? Planning on writing about me?”

Rose continued to write. “You do seem to be a source of...inspiration, shall we say.”

“Yeah? What’re you gonna say about me? You better not leave out how much of a badass I am.”

“That remains to be seen.” Rose looked up from her book and added, “I do believe both the words ‘bad’ and ‘ass’ will make appearances, though I cannot say in precisely which context.”

“Ha! So what about you, what’re you doing when we get to LA?”

Rose looked up from her book, surprise showing briefly on her face. “Huh. I honestly have not idea. I’ve never been to LA before, and didn’t expect to make it terribly far up the coast today. Meeting you has thrown what minor plans I had made into disarray.”

“Yeah, I’m usually good for that. But you should probably figure that out soon, so I know where I’m dropping you off at. We’ll be in the city soon.”

“You mean we aren’t already?” Rose asked, gesturing out the window.

“Nah, we’re in like Pomona or something. Some fucking suburb, anyway. It’s kinda hard to tell in SoCal.”

“I see,” she said, frowning. “Tell me, where would you go to have an interesting experience in one night in LA?”

“Me? I’d go to a club and get laid, but I don’t know if that’s the kinda experience you’re looking for.”

Rose waved her hand dismissively. “I can do _that_ anywhere.”

“Wow confident much? Okay, then. Given how much time you’ve spent gazing at me, I’d say people watching is your thing.” Vriska absolutely savored the shock that flashed across Rose’s face. “Unless there was another reason you were looking?”

“No, your assessment is correct,” Rose answered flatly. “People watching is a good example of the sort of thing I am after.”

Vriska thought for a moment. “Yeah, for that you probably want the Strip. You’ll blend right in gawking at tourists gawking at normal people they’re mistaking for celebrities. And you’re not likely to get mugged, raped, and/or killed there, so bonus."

“Sounds delightful.” Vriska honestly could not tell whether Rose meant that sarcastically or not. Maybe both. Probably both. “To be honest, what I could use most right now is a shower. Know any decent hotels around there?”

 

An hour and twenty minutes later - thanks to some dumb asshole who jacknifed his semi at the merger with the 101 - Vriska was pulling into the parking lot of a motel off Sunset Boulevard. She put the car in park and turned toward her passenger. “Here you go. Sunset Strip’s about two miles up the road from here, whenever you’re ready to get your voyeur fix. Try not to get sucked into any tourist traps.”

“I shall do my best to avoid them. Thanks for the lift, it’s been educational...and fun,” Rose said with a smile.

“Yeah, it has.” Vriska was surprised to realize she meant it. It had been nice having company for part of the trip, if only to have someone to argue with.

Vriska’s phone rang as Rose was extracting her bag from the backseat. She checked the caller and answered it with one hand, absently waving goodbye with the other.

“What do you got for me, Sol?” All she heard as an low murmur in reply. “Dude I can’t hear a fucking thing you’re saying. Take your hands off your keyboard, or your dick or whatever you’re holding and hold the god damned phone correctly like I always tell you to.” She waited for him to repeat himself, more clearly and with more insults this time. “Okay, so the place is called The Dead Session? What the fuck does that even mean?” She cut him off before he started a long and pointless explanation. “No, no, stop, I don’t actually care...yeah, I don’t know why you still talk to me either. OH WAIT it’s because I fucking pay you....Yeah, love you too, nerd.”

Vriska muttered “Asshole” at the phone as she ended the call. At least one of her leads was going somewhere. She stared stared blankly ahead at the building, considering, when she saw Rose making her way back from the hotel office. What the hell, why not? Vriska rolled down the passenger window, leaned out, and yelled down across the parking lot, “Hey Rose! Sure you don’t want to go to a club?”


	4. Chapter 4

Rose donned her best bored expression while the bouncer looked over her ID. He looked at her out-of-state license a second or two longer than he had Vriska’s, but handed it back and waved them past. She silently thanked Dave, grateful for both her cousin’s suggestion to get a fake ID, and his knowledge of how to do so. Rose followed Vriska into the club and was soon engulfed in thumping bass and blacklights. She leaned closer to Vriska and strained to hear her voice over the music.

“I asked what you want to drink?”

“Vodka tonic,” Rose replied readily. Rule number one about boarding schools: “drug and alcohol free” dorms aren’t.

Vriska pointed Rose to a set of tables along the back wall. “Grab one of those while I get us some drinks.”

Rose did as instructed, and soon Vriska was joining her, two drinks in hand. Rose took a sip from hers before asking, “So what are we doing? I thought we came here to find this guy’s friends.”

She pulled her chair around so it was facing the entrance before sitting down. “Yeah, that’s what we’re doing.”

“Really? Because this looks suspiciously like sitting on our asses drinking.”

“And that’s exactly what we want to look like we’re doing while we’re waiting for them to show up. Don’t you know anything about stakeouts? Oh, no, you don’t, because it’s not your fucking job. Once they get here, I go to work and you get a front row seat. Until then, we relax and try not to get shitfaced before they get here.” Vriska took a long drink from her beer as if to demonstrate.

 

Two hours and four rounds later, they were still waiting. “Are you sure these guys are coming?”

“What am I, psychic? Of course I’m not sure. That’s what makes it a lead and not a...I dunno, a fact or something.”

“And your plan is to sit here all night, on the off chance that they do?”

“Yep. Surprise surprise, a lot of bounty hunting is pretty fucking boring. I mean don’t get me wrong, hauling someone in is fucking sweet, but you gotta earn that moment.” Vriska sighed. “Gonna put that in your book?”

“Probably not. Likely none of this will show up, at least not directly. That’s not precisely the point of this endeavor.”

“Yeah I guess I still don’t get why you’re doing this whole thing. Unless your goal is to find yourself dead in a gutter?”

Rose’s glass clinked against the table as she set it down hard. “I told you, the point is to learn more about some of the things I wish to write about. It is not that complicated. And I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“Ha! Sure, maybe you are. As long as mommy and daddy are paying the credit card bills.”

“Excuse me?!” Rose could feel color rising in her cheeks.

“Most people hitchhiking across the country aren’t doing it with a platinum card in their pocket, princess,” Vriska said with a smirk.

“Fine, yes, I admit that my mother is loaded, typically in more ways than one. I fail to see what that has to do with anything, or why you continue to bring it up.”

“It means you’ve probably never known real hardship. Your parents never had to choose between keeping the heat on or keeping feeding their children. You have always had everything you needed and then some.” Vriska took a drink and continued. “You said it yourself, you’re out here doing ‘research’; ten bucks says you’re ‘researching’ how the other half lives.”

“And what if I am?”

“Then you’re going about it all wrong!” Vriska laughed. “You’re not going to learn what it’s like to be poor by going on a field trip and pretending to be a hobo. It’s actually pretty insulting.”

Rose’s face was still, but inside she was seething. “And what does Vriska, expert oracle of the Ways of Learning, recommend instead?”

“Fuck, I dunno, go out and meet people or something? Be a normal social human being?”

“And what exactly do you think this is?”

“If this whole day has been you trying to be social...oh _man_ ,” Vriska said with a laugh.

Rose had had enough. “Fine, if I have been such a burden on you, then I will relieve you of my presence,” she said, then stage-whispered, “that mean’s ‘I’m leaving.’”

“Fuck off, I know what you meant!”

Rose drained the last of her drink and stood. “Goodbye, Vriska. Enjoy the rest of your stakeout alone.” She turned and strode off into the crowd.

 

Rose was almost at the door before remembering that she opened a tab when she bought the last round of drinks. She headed for the bar to close out and retrieve her card. She felt as though she should be twitching with anger. Whatever, it was over and done with. She told Vriska Serket to fuck off, and she need never appear in her life again. Rose needed to let it go. It didn’t help that much of her deduction of Rose’s motives had been spot on.

“Hey, ready for another round?” the bartender asked.

“Actually, I’d like to…” Rose considered the amount of tension she was feeling at the moment. “...yes, just the vodka tonic though. And make it a double, please.”

 

Vriska picked at the label on her beer and tried not to look as bored as she felt. She checked the time on her phone: a quarter past midnight, meaning she had been sitting in this stupid club listening to this stupid music waiting for this stupid asshole’s stupid friends to show up for over three hours now. She might have been willing to possibly consider that maybe chasing off the only company she had was not the best idea. Out of the corner of her eye Vriska caught movement toward her table, and flashed a discouraging look at the dudebro before he started in on whatever awful pickup line he had in mind. She glanced back toward the entrance, and holy shit, there they were, four of the guys from the photos that Sollux had sent her. Cal’s friends. She would’ve cried with joy if she weren’t too much of a badass to actually cry. Dickhead, Fucknut and Asshat, she named them; Sollux had included names with the photos, but Vriska thought hers were easier to remember. She leaned back and watched as they made their way to a table of their own.

Now came the hard part. She couldn’t very well just sit herself down at their table and start asking questions. That would get her stonewalled at best, a fight with pretty ugly odds at worst. She needed to get some time alone with one of them, away from the rest of the group. It was always easier to intimidate someone when they don’t have friends around to impress. If she had any luck, one of them would give her an opportunity soon. And she had all the luck.

Sure enough, it wasn’t long before one of them - Fucknut - headed to the bar for some beers. Vriska downed the rest of hers and got up to follow.

She closed the distance quickly and was well within arms reach of him as they passed out of the back room. As soon as they were out of site of his friends, she grabbed him by the collar and swung him into the wall. He crashed into it face first, the sound conveniently masked by the pounding music. Vriska yanked his left arm up behind him, and jammed her forearm aganst his neck, pushing him along the wall and into a corner behind a speaker tower.

She leaned in to make sure he could hear her. “Hey, Fucknut. How ya doin?”

“Wha-what the fuck is your problem?!” he sputtered.

Vriska laughed. “My problem? Let’s see...I spent all day playing chaufeur to an incosiderate, prissy little princess and I’ve been waiting all night for your dumb ass to show up, which means I’ve been in a club all night and I am neither drunk nor getting laid. And now you’re here, and you want to know what my problem is? It’s you, Fucknut. It’s you.”

“Who the hell are you? Are you a cop?”

“Do I look like a fucking cop to you? No, I’m just a girl with a problem. I’m pretty good at solving problems. Got a talent for it. But some problems, they just don’t want to be solved, you know? I try,” Vriska grabbed his hair and banged his head against the wall. “I try,” - bang - “and I try,” - bang - “but they just don’t seem to cooperate. I’m not big fan of these problems; I like to make them disappear.” Vriska paused to let the comment sink in, but he just looked back over his shoulder at her in confusion.

Vriska sighed. “You’re my problem, remember? Help me, or I’m gonna kill ya. Try to keep up. Now, are you going to help me solve my problem?”

His head twitched against the wall in what was probably an attempt at a nod. “Yeah, yeah, sure!”

“Greaaaaaaaat! Where can I find Cal?”

“C-Cal _English_?”

“No, Cal Ripken. Don’t get cute with me,” Vriska pushed his arm a little higher.

“Aah! Okay okay, stop!” Vriska eased up a bit. “So his family, they own a casino on the strip, yeah? The Mansion?” Vriska nodded. “Yeah so he’s holed up in a hotel suite, under the name of one of his dad’s goons. It’s basically the worst kept secret in Vegas. He’s supposed to be laying low, but he’s been throwing parties every night like a moron.”

“So I go to one of these parties, and I’ll find him?”

“Yeah. I dunno why you’d want to though, he’s a total dick.”

Vriska frowned. “I thought you all were his friends.”

“God no. The only reason anyone tolerates him at all is cause of who his dad is. Seriously, I’d’ve told you where to find him if you’d just asked instead of being a crazy bitch about it. Fuck that guy.”

“Aww, but then we wouldn’t have had this great bonding moment! You helping me, me not killing you...good times,” Vriska said with a contended sigh. “See you around, Fucknut,” she added with a pat on the head, before turning and heading into the crowd.

Another problem solved. And if it was a bit more complicated then necessary, well at least it was fun. Vegas was about a five hour drive; she could crash back at her apartment, get a decent night’s sleep before heading out in the morning, and still be there by the evening. Perfect.

She closed out and was already thinking about collapsing into her own bed for a change when she saw Rose, dancing with some popped collar asshole. If swaying around drunk counted as dancing, anyway. From the looks of things, the only thing keeping Rose upright were his hands on her...well, wow, pretty much everywhere. Apparently somewhere along the way storming off in a huff turned into getting wasted on the dance floor. Well, Vriska had warned her, hadn’t she? If Rose decided that getting shitfaced and taken advantage of by some dude or ten, that wasn’t her problem. Maybe she’ll actually learn something from the experience.

Vriska took three steps toward the exit before stopping. She let out a frustrated growl, earning odd looks from several people, before turning back.


	5. Chapter 5

Rose tried to make out the shapes in her room in the dim light, but it was difficult concentrating with someone driving nails into a temples, and what she could see didn’t make any sense. She didn’t recognize any of it. Rose sat up with a start when that fact sunk in, and immediately regretted it. If someone was driving nails into her skull before, they just switched to railroad spikes.

“Morning, princess,” came Vriska’s voice from the corner.

Rose turned her head - slowly - towards the sound. “What...where are we?”

“Your motel room. The one I drove you to yesterday?” Rose looked at her blankly. “How much do you remember from last night?”

Rose frowned as she thought. That question was never a good sign. She remembered tossing her bags in a room and going to the club with Vriska, an embarassingly stupid argument, and...oh. “I...remember I only ordered a couple of drinks.”

Vriska looked surprised. “That’s seriously all it took for you to get that wasted?”

“I believe others started buying them for me after that point.” Rose groaned in both pain and embarassment. “Dare I ask what happened?”

“I didn’t see all of it, cause I was busy doing my fucking job, but it looked like you decided to demonstrate your independence and self reliance by getting shitfaced and letting some dickbag have his way with you.” Vriska looked up from her careful study of her nails. “I didn’t let that last part happen, by the way. So you’re welcome for that.”

Rose let herself fall back on the bed, and immediately regretted the sudden motion. When the pain subsided somewhat, she said “You must think I am a complete imbicile.”

“Yeah pretty much.”

Rose’s mouth felt like sandpaper. Sandpaper that had somehow begun to rot. She took a long drink from the glass of water that Vriska had presumably left out for her.

“There’s some aspirin there too, if you want.”

Rose downed the pills with another sip of water. The drink seemed to be helping, as Rose’s brain was not capable of entertaining questions. “Don’t you live in LA? Why are you still here?”

A question came into Rose’s head. “Don’t you live here? Why didn’t you go home?”

Vriska rolled her eyes. “Cause after dragging your ass to the car, helping you puke your guts out, and putting you to bed, driving across the city at 3 in the morning wasn’t high on the list of things I wanted to do.” She paused, then shrugged and continued. “‘sides, someone had to stay here and make sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit.”

“Thank you...for all of that. I suppose I should apologize for my behavior, as I seem to have done an excellent job proving you right. My teachers did always call me an overachiever.” Vriska didn’t say anything. “Did you at least get the information you needed?”

“Course I did! Too bad you weren’t there to see it, I was pretty badass,” she said with a grin.

“So what will you do now?”

“Now, I’m off to get breakfast. You’ve got ten minutes to get ready if you want to join me, or else you’re fending for yourself.”

 

Rose sipped at her coffee, waiting for her stomach to settle a bit more before attempting the muffin in front of her. She tried not to notice the approximately five hog’s worth of pork products on Vriska’s plate. Ordinarily the scent might have been quite enticing, but at the moment Rose recoiled at the thought of eating that much greasy food.

“...so yeah, I basically had the guy pissing in his pants. He was ready to tell me anything I wanted to know,” Vriska said around a mouthful of bacon.

“And he told you Cal is in Vegas?”

Vriska nodded. “More than that, he gave me his exact location. Apparently it’s a big secret, but by the time I was done with this guy, all I had to do was ask for it. Too bad you weren’t there to see it, I was pretty fucking awesome.” She smirked. “But I guess you had other plans.”

Rose shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Vriska’s remark poked a sore spot that had been bothering her all morning. It was bad enough that she had made a complete fool of herself in front of Vriska (and dozens of other strangers, for that matter), but then she had to go out of her way to help Rose after they had just had an argument. Of course Rose was grateful for Vriska’s aid, but it left tension in their relationship that was almost palpable to Rose. She needed to balance things out between them. Even if she never saw Vriska again, leaving things as they were would feel an awful lot like conceding defeat. “Look, about our...conversation last night…”

Vriska waved her hand dismissively. “You apologized already. And honestly, it means dick. I don’t really care if you take my advice or not, and what happened happened. You acted like an idiot, I saved your ass, the end. A few pretty words don’t change any of that.”

Rose shook her head. “No, I realize that. Still, I want to say that you were right. I demonstrated quite clearly that I have a lot to learn, and I need to think about what I am doing out here and why.”

“Pssh, yeah you do.”

“Also, you did a lot for me that you did not need to. I would like to pay you back for that if possible.”

“I don’t need your fucking money,” Vriska snapped.

“And I am not offering you money, fucking or otherwise. But there must be something I can do, some way I can help you, if not necessarily to the same extent that you helped me.”

“Rose, the only way you can help me is to warn me if you’re gonna yak again. Shit stains the leather.” Vriska turned her attention back to her plate.

Rose watched Vriska work her way through a half dozen sausage links and tried to think of anything she might be able to do for her. “Now that you know where he is, what’s your plan for getting Cal?”

Vriska stopped mid chew, looking up from her plate at Rose. “Classified,” she said after a pause, and continued eating.

“Bullshit.”

Vriska ignored her.

“You don’t have a plan, do you?”

Vriska chewed more vigorously.

“Let me help you come up with one.”

“I have a plan,” Vriska spat. “It’s just got a few rough parts to work out.”

Rose leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “Tell me.”

Vriska rolled her eyes. “Fiiiiiiiine, if it’ll get you to shut up about it.”

“It might.”

“Okay. Step one: sneak into the hotel. Step two: grab Cal. Step three: sneak out.”

Rose waited for more. When it was clear it wasn’t coming, she asked, “That’s it? That is the extent of your plan?”

Vriska shrugged. “Like I said, a few rough parts. It’s coming together.”

“Those rough parts being step one, step two, and step three? I suppose three qualifies as ‘a few.’”

“Fuck off, like you would know what a good plan looks like. I’ll work out most of the details on the way, and the rest I’ll fill in once I case the joint.”

“Take me with you to Vegas. Let me help you work it out.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? No!”

Rose pressed on. “You didn’t get much sleep, thanks to me, right? How are you going to come up with anything when you were up all night? I can drive part way, you can nap in the car.”

“I live in LA, remember? I can sleep in my apartment for once and head out tomorrow.”

“Can you afford to wait that long? Word is bound to get out that someone is asking around about Cal’s whereabouts. How soon before he moves again?”

Vriska opened her mouth, but closed it without saying anything. She was more right than she knew. Cal knew he couldn’t stay at the casino forever. Well, he was an idiot so maybe he didn’t, but his father surely did. It was only a matter of time before they would hustle him across a border and out of reach. “Do you even have a license? The one you flashed last night was fake as shit.”

“I wouldn’t have made the offer if I didn’t.”

“Okay, fiiiiiiiine, you can come with me to Vegas, but after that we’re done. No more of this weird drunkard’s guilt thing you’ve got going on.”

There was one thing Rose had not accounted for when negotiating with Vriska: the pure, unadulterated boredom of the drive from LA to Las Vegas. The route was a straight shot northeast on I-15, and it got real dull real quick. An hour in they crossed Cajon Pass and entered the Mojave, leaving civilization - and anything of visual interest - behind. The stark desert scenery held beauty in its own way, and having grown up in the verdant hills of upstate New York, Rose found it fascinating. For the first 50 miles. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel and tried to estimate how much farther they had to go.

Vriska shifted in her seat and groggily mumbled, “Where’re we?”

“About halfway there,” Rose answered.

Vriska’s eyes popped open. “Huh? What?”

“I said we’re about halfway there.”

“Okay...you woke me up for that?” Vriska glared at Rose.

“You asked me. I assumed you were awake, given that you were speaking. How silly of me,” Rose replied sarcastically.

“Ugh, whatever, I’m awake now. Pull over and let me drive.”

 

Rose felt her phone buzz as she climbed into the passenger seat.

“Who’s that?” Vriska asked as Rose was typing a reply.

“Just my mother,” Rose replied absently. “‘Checking in’ as she puts it.”

“So she does know what you’re up to out here after all.”

“More or less. I share with her whatever she needs to know. She knows for instance that I am going to Vegas,” Rose said, putting her phone away.

“And she’s cool with that? Like ‘Hi mom how are you? I’ve hardly ever been out of my home town before but I’m going to Vegas all alone!’” Vriska shook her head.

Rose sighed. “Need I remind you that I am an adult fully capable of making my own decisions?”

“Adults don’t throw tantrums then get shitfaced and almost...yeah, no, I can’t back that up. Adults totally do stupid shit like that,” Vriska said.

Rose nodded. “Indeed. One might say that doing stupid shit and dealing with the consequences in a responsible manner is one of the hallmarks of being an adult.”

“That’s...actually a pretty good definition.” Vriska said, looking surprised.

“Semantics aside, I do believe that my mother was rather...unreserved in her youth, so I doubt very much that she would be troubled by anything I have gotten up to.” Rose fished her notebook and a pen out from her backpack.

“Oh yeah? She tell you all her sordid stories?”

“No, and I have yet to figure out how to politely ask, ‘Mother, how much of an epic train wreck was your young adult life?’”

“What about your dad? He probably knows,” Vriska said, glancing at Rose.

Rose shrugged. “I would not know where to find him to ask. France, presumably, but really he could be anywhere. I hardly know a thing about him.”

“Ugh that sucks, sorry.” Vriska sounded legitimately sympathetic.

Rose shrugged again. “I suppose. Having never had a legitimate father figure, I don’t really know what I missed out on. From pop culture, I assume it mostly involves him holding a shotgun and standing behind me waiting for my date to arrive.”

“And your mom never talked about him?”

“Not quite never, but nearly so,” Rose said. “I know they were married but got divorced for some reason before she knew she was pregnant. To my knowledge, she hasn’t talked to him since. But she kept his name and she kept me, so there’s that.”

“It seems like she cares about you quite a bit, since she’s paying for you to travel the country, sending little ‘check-in’ texts…”

Rose frowned. “My mother does seem to have the misguided notion that spending money is the primary means through which people express affection. I know better.”

“What do you mean?”

“She has a long history of attempting to buy her way into a positive, nurturing relationship with me. She spends nearly all of her time at work, working at home, or traveling for work. She threw money at the day-to-day tasks she did not have time for - housekeepers, landscapers, and such. I suppose she thought railsing a child would be no different.”

“People gotta work. She probably means well by it, since she has kept it up.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Oh I am sure she does. As an adult, I understand that she does actually care about me. Unfortunately that doesn’t matter, because as my eight-year old self, all I needed was for my mother to be there at my violin recital. Do you know what I got instead? A fucking pony.”

Vriska barked a laugh in disbelief. “You seriously had a pony? Jesus.”

Rose groaned. “I drew a picture of the two of us, and for God knows what reason I put a pony in it as well. Maybe I felt like drawing a pony too? I don’t know. I gave it to her, and she ignored it, or so I thought. A week later, she was having a stable installed in the backyard.” Rose shook her head, still marvelling at her mother’s behavior.


	6. Chapter 6

“Well, I found Cal,” Vriska said, frowning, as she rejoined Rose. They sat at a table in the bar of The Mansion, centerpiece of the English family’s Vegas empire. Rose took a sip from her drink and quirked her brow at Vriska, asking her to continue.

“I spotted him on my way back from the restroom, him and some muscle, heading into the VIP lounge,” she nodded back over her shoulder.

“Are you following him in, then?”

“Yeah, tried that. Couldn’t get past the fuckin’ bouncers.” Rose gave her a questioning look and she continued. “Let’s just say they’re used to a crowd that’s a little more…”

“Wealthy?”

“White. But yeah, that one too.” Vriska sighed.

Rose smiled as an idea formed in her mind. “Hmm. Wealthy and white. That doesn’t happen to remind you of anyone...does it?”

“Wha...no,” Vriska said.

“I can get you in.”

“No no no no,” Vriska repeated. “I am not dragging you into this.”

“That’s true, you are not dragging me into anything. I am choosing to participate of my own free will,” Rose countered.

“Are you fucking nuts? No way. No fucking way. Didn’t you learn anything last night?” Vriska yelled. “You have absolutely no idea what kind of shit you’re getting into here.”

“So tell me.”

Vriska drummed her nails on the window sill. “Okay. Fine. You know why Cal’s on the run? You know what he’s charged with? Murder. He killed his twin fucking sister, in cold blood. Stabbed her a dozen times, and laughed about it.”

Rose was still. “Why?” she asked.

“Oh that’s the icing on the cake. Cause daddy told him too. She was going to go to the feds, tell them everything she knew about her father’s shadier operations. She pretty much the one good thing that family’s produced. So they killed her.”

“I’m not suggesting I will take him out for you. All I am doing is getting you in the door. All of the dangerous parts are still up to you.” Vriska still looked skeptical. “Give me a signal, and I’ll leave before you start any trouble.”

“Okay, fine, we can try it. But I don’t think either of us are getting in looking like this,” Vriska said, gesturing at their outifts. “This isn’t exactly a ‘jeans and tank tops’ type of place.”

Rose smiled. “Vriska, we are two attractive young women, in Las Vegas, with a credit card that...how did you put it? ‘Mommy and Daddy pay for.’ I am sure we can think of some way to solve that problem.”

 

One remarkably expensive boutique shopping spree later, they had traded jeans and tees for dresses with high hems, low necklines, and more sequins than an entire stage full of Elvis impersonators. Properly attired and with Rose presenting the ‘trust fund chic’ look she had seen in so many of her classmates, they had no trouble at all getting into the VIP lounge. 

“Which one’s Cal?” Rose whispered to Vriska once they were inside. She nodded toward the large booth in the corner before guiding Rose to an open booth across the room. A waiter shortly provided drinks, and Rose tried to appear like she was enjoying herself while Vriska scoped out the place and worked out the next steps.

Twenty minutes later, Vriska slumped back. “Ugh. This is like the worst fucking place to try and grab someone.”

“Can you wait until he leaves? Ambush him outside?”

“Nah...those guys with him at the booth?” Vriska nodded toward Cal. “Muscle. Bodyguards. Probably not leaving his side except when he’s taking a piss.” Vriska’s eyes lit up suddenly. “Hey...that’s an idea. I’ll be back, I’m gonna go check something out,” she said as she headed toward what Rose assumed to be the bathrooms.

Vriska wasn’t gone more than a minute when Rose look up to see Cal approaching her table. “Hey, honey. Haven’t seen you here before,” he said.

 

By the time Vriska reappeared from the back, Rose had Cal practically eating out of her hand. Playing him was easy, really. All Rose had to do was flatter him a little, behave in line with his obvious prejudices, and ignore the misogyny dripping from every word he said.

“Yeah, let me tell you something,” Cal leaned close conspiritorially. “Most of the people in this town, fucking worthless. Can’t trust a single fucking one of them.” He gestured back toward the corner booth. “Like see those bitches back there? Every single one of em just looking for handouts. Hanging around me hoping I’ll put in a good word with my dad or something. Fuck em.”

“That’s pathetic,” Rose said, feigning sympathy.

“Yeah see I knew you’d get it, you’re not from around here, you’re different.”

Rose laughed softly. “I’ve been told I am not like other girls,” she said.

Rose’s phone chimed. She ignored it. Vriska was holding her phone and glaring at her from another table. Rose’s phone went off again, and again. “Excuse me,” she said to Cal, and drew her phone from her purse.

AG: what the fucking fuck?  
AG: Rose answer your fucking phone.  
AG: Roooooooose!  
TT: Relax. He showed up after you left. He seems rather smitten with me. It would be adorable if it weren’t creepy.  
AG: What.  
TT: I have an idea.

Rose put away her phone. “Sorry, that was a friend of mine wondering where I am. I was supposed to meet up with her but...I’ve been having much more fun here.” She slid closer to Cal and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “In fact, I was just thinking about how we could have a little more fun...upstairs.”


	7. Chapter 7

Vriska headed for the door as soon as she got the nod from Rose, and made straight for their hotel room. She would have just a couple minutes to get into position before they showed up. Vriska changed into more comfortable and flexible clothing, and positioned herself just around the corner from the entryway, taking care to leave the lights off. From here, Vriska would be able to grab Cal before he had any idea what was going on. She had to credit Rose, it was a pretty good plan.

Vriska waited. And waited. She was starting to wonder if Rose had decided that a blowjob in the elevator would really sell the plan when she felt her phone vibrate.

TT: Fuck fuck fuck fuck he’s taking me to his room instead.  
TT: In the penthouse.  
AG: What the fuck Rose this was not the plan!  
TT: I am very fucking aware of that thank you. Improvise!  
AG: What?!  
TT: Figure it out!  


“That your friend again?” Cal said, trying to peak over Rose’s shoulder.

Rose hastily put her phone away. “Sorry, yes, I told her I was busy,” she said, reaching up to run her hand through his hair.

“Good.” Cal moved in to kiss her, pushing her back against the wall of the elevator as he did so. It wasn’t the worst kiss of Rose’s life, but it was very, very far from the best. Awkwardly forceful and way too much tongue. And Rose could have done without the handrail digging into her back. Still, she played along.

 

Vriska paced the room, on the edge of panic. This was exactly the sort of shit she was afraid would happen. She never should have let Rose get involved! Now she was going to get herself killed and it would be on Vriska’s head. Unless Vriska found a way to get up there and stop it. She couldn’t just hop in the elevator and go. The security was way too tight for that. She kept pacing, trying to think of something and coming up empty until she heard the knock on a door and “Housekeeping!” from across the hall.

 

Cal’s body pressed down on top of Rose as he kisses his way down her neck. Rose tried to think of a way to salvage this plan before things went much further. All she could come up with were stalling actions, nothing that would make real progress toward extricating herself from this mess. She could not depend on Vriska to rescue her; Vriska didn’t even know where she was. And in any case, the guards posted outside the room would be as effective at keeping her out as they would be keeping Rose in. Cal’s hands slipped under the straps of her dress and he started to move lower, and Rose decided enough was enough. She went with the first plan that came to mind.

“Ohnoexcuseme,” she said in a rush as she shoved Cal off of her. She jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom, one arm holding her stomach and one hand clapped over her mouth. She slammed the door shut and locked it behind her, then slumped down on the floor.

It took a moment for Cal to process what had happened. “Hey, what the fuck!?” Rose answered by making retching noises into the toilet bowl.

 

Vriska adjusted the apron around her waist before wheeling the housekeeping cart out of the elevator and past a pair of guards who hardly seemed notice her. Just another nameless, faceless housekeeper. Now for the next piece of the puzzle, which room where they in? Vriska pushed the cart down the hall looking at each door, hoping for some indication. She was considering trying random doors when she noticed the solution staring her in the face. Literally. The pair of guards watching her from outside one of the rooms may as well have been holding signs that read “this way to Cal.”

She wheeled the cart up to them and stopped, as though expecting them to open the door. “Housekeeping?” she said after a moment when it was clear they were not simply going to let her in.

“Yeah no shit,” the one on the left said.

“Come back later,” said the other.

“He called, asked for housekeeping? Said a girl...is sick?” Vriska explained in a feigned accent.

Lefty rolled his eyes. “Christ, I wish he would tell us these things. Hang on…,” he said as he unlocked the door and slowly stepped through.

He knocked loudly on the door as he entered. “Sorry sir...housekeeping’s here?” Vriska followed close behind, eager to get inside.

A series of loud bangs came from deeper in the room, followed by Cal’s voice. “Open this fucking door, bitch!”

“The fuck…?” Righty muttered and joined them in the suite. Cal stood outside the bathroom, shirtless. He was pounding on the closed door and swearing up a storm.

“Open this mother fucking cocksucking door right now!”

“Sir?” Lefty raised his voice to be heard about the pounding. “Sir, housekeeping is here.”

Cal finally noticed them. “So? Tell them to come back later. Jesus!” he said, turning toward them. “The hell? Why did you let them in? Get the fuck outta here!”

Shit, the jig was up. Lefty and Righty both looked at her suspiciously. She drew her truncheon from where she had placed it close to hand, hiddin beneath a towel. She spun around and with backhand swing she connected with Righty’s jaw. It made a sickening crunch that said he wouldn’t be eating solid food any time soon, and Righty screamed before Vriska stepped closer and dropped him with a blow to the temple.  
“Fucking hell!” she heard Lefty yell. She looked just in time to see him raising a handgun toward her.

Vriska turned and swung again, hitting Lefty’s raised right hand, breaking at least two fingers and sending his gun flying out of reach across the room. The move left her overbalanced and exposed. Lefty grabbed at her club and pulled with his other hand, trying to disarm her. He only succeeded in pulling Vriska toward him and sending them both tumbling to the floor at the foot of the bed.

Vriska tried to push off him, but he caught her sleeve and yanked her back down. She grabbed his mangled hand and squeezed. Lefty howled in pain and let go of her, twisting to try to get out of her grasp. She moved with him, flipping him off her and up against the headboard. Quickly she gripped his hair and banged his head against the bedframe, knocking him out cold.

“Get the fuck up, bitch,” Vriska heard Cal say. She looked up over the bed and found him pointing Lefty’s gun at her head. Slowly she rose, dropping her truncheon and raising both hands.

 

Rose paced the bathroom floor, trying to think of something - anything - that she could do. Thus far the bathroom had surved its purpose of getting her away from groping hands, but the only way out was past a now-enraged Cal. Cal suddenly went silent, and Rose wondered if Vriska hadn’t managed to find her afterall. Silence was soon replaced by commotion.

“Hey Cal. No need for the gun,” she heard Vriska say, too loudly to be an accident. Shit. Rose quickly considered her options. She could try to help Vriska, but she had no idea what was going on outside, and nothing to fight back with. If she had only been able to grab her purse, she would be able to call for help, but...then she remembered.

Rose carefully opened the bathroom door. Cal had his back to her, and held Vriska at gunpoint.

“Who are you?” he yelled at her.

Rose crept out of the bathroom. Her purse was a few feet away by the bed. If she was quick…

“Okay, fine. I don’t need to know who you are to kill you,” Cal said as he leveled the gun at Vriska’s head.

Rose dove toward her purse, and her hand found and gripped the handle of her Taser. Cal began to turn toward her, face twisted in rage. Rose raised the weapon and fired.

Two metal prongs embedded themselves in Cal’s bare chest, and he collapsed on the floor, convulsing wildly as fifty thousand volts coursed through his body. Cal groaned as the shaking subsided. Vriska silenced him with a club.

Rose stared at Vriska. “How in the fuck?”

“Wow, you’re welcome,” Vriska snarked. “Short answer: no one ever suspects the help. We can have storytime later, right now we gotta figure out how we’re getting the fuck out of here.”

“With Cal?”

“With Cal.”

 

It took the two of them, but together they managed to gag and hogtie Cal’s unconscious body, and shove him into the emptied bottom of the housekeeping cart. His guards they bound and gagged and left in the bathroom. No other guards interrupted them, and Rose gave a silent prayer of thanks for fancy hotel suites with actual soundproofing. Together they headed out into the hall. Vriska spoke to Rose as they rounded they neared the elevator. “Now, you go to 12th floor, el médico, doctor, they help you,” she said as Rose attempted to look both ill and embarassed. “Here, you come with me, I take you there,” Vriska added, and Rose nodded weakly and follwed her past the guards to the service elevator.

Once inside, Vriska punched the button for the parking garage, then checked the status of their prisoner, who thankfully remained unconscious but breathing. Rose took a deep breath to try to settle herself.

“Almost there,” Vriska said.

They had just dropped Cal into the trunk of Vriska’s car when they ran into trouble.

“Hey!” Rose heard someone yell, right before a loud crack. Something zoomed by her face and slammed into the concrete wall behind her, sending up clouds of dust.

“Stop shooting, dumbass, you wanna hit the fucking kid!?” another voice yelled.

“Fuck, get in the car Rose!” Vriska slammed the trunk shut and shoved the cart out of the way, then took her own advice. “Now!” she yelled when Rose hadn’t moved.

Vriska was flooring the car in reverse before Rose had even shut her door all the way. Rose heard more yelling and another engine starting. She craned her neck to look out the rear window and saw a large SUV pulling out and following them.

“They’re following us,” she said.

“Yeah, no fuckin shit,” Vriska replied, her tone flat as she focused on swerving through the parking garage towards the ground level. They came around a corner and swung within inches of a minivan, its very surprised driver slamming the brakes and swearing. They rounded the last corner and the exit came into view. The heavy security gate was sliding shut.

“We’re not going to make it,” Rose said.

“Shut up.” Vriska floored it. Rose closed her eyes.

Rose screamed at the sharp crack of the passenger side mirror being ripped from the car as it narrowly scraped through between the gate and the wall, and out into the parking lot. A loud crash seconds later signaled their pursuers failure to make it through the gate.

 

Rose yawned over her latte as she waited for Vriska to finish things up at the police station. They hadn’t stop driving until Barstow, where adrenaline finally gave over to fatigue, and they had both crashed onto the beds as soon as they got into the motel room. Despite that, Vriska still dragged herself (and Rose) out of bed a few short hours later, apparently anxious to deliver her “cargo.” Which she should be done with any time now.

Sure enough, soon Rose saw her walking out of the station and crossing the street to the cafe where Rose was waiting.

“That’s it then?” Rose asked when she sat down.

“That’s it. Done and done, mission accomplished,” Vriska said.

“So what now? Do you have another assignment?”

“Nah, fuck that. I’m going to spend the next several days thoroughly drunk. I’ve earned a break.” She looked at Rose for a moment before continuing. “What about you? Headed back out on the road?”

“Actually, I just bought a plane ticket. I’m going home. I think I have some things to think about, thanks to the past couple days.”

“Oh, that’s good I guess?”

“It is,” Rose confirmed.

Vriska smiled. “Do you...need a ride to the airport?”


End file.
